Everything seems to have settle down now, people are getting use too the idea that yes I'm having a baby but that doesn't mean I've changed. I'm still me, no one at college knows yet, truth to be told is I'm scared off telling them, I dont want people to judge me, I mean j can tell my friends but do I really have to tell the tutors? Do they really need to know? It's not like I'm just about to drop. I dunno. I've got another scan in 9days, just to make sure everything is how it should be as I have a blood clotting condition that I didn't even no about. Lets hope everything is okay :-)

So saw the midwife today, wasn't as back as i thought it would be, i was a tad scared, as i didn't want to find out the baby was in the wrong place or hadnt be developing, but thankfully the baby was fine, nothing wrong, the right size for how many weeks.

Its funny how people treat teenagers different because there pregnant, it doesnt mean we are going to be crap mum's or anything, were just a bit younger than the normal mum, they act like we arent gonna be able to cope, with the right support were be alright, its people who comment on how bad they think were be, yeah im 18, but when my baby is born ill be 19. i dont think thats young, yeah its not 20, or whatever but im older than most teen mums, and does age really matter? as long as your happy, in a nice relationship, which i am, have a support network around you, then it couldn't matter if your 18 or 23. I come from a massive family and i know there always be there no matter what, so im happy, i couldn't careless what people could think now. ive had enough off people commenting on it 

5weeks and 3days pregnant

So my family now know im having a baby. 
At first they were angry and upset, what i was expecting to be honest, 
The hardest person to tell was dad, i dont no why i just didnt wanna hurt him i guess. 
So after a day or two they have got use to the idea that im now having a baby off my own, and we have spoke about what is best for me and the baby, And as i dislike abortions with a passion, i have decided im keeping it. What there totally fine with, they said there support me in anyway i need, which is nice to know. 
On the other hand my boyfriends parents are mad, they have voiced how they feel and that they wanted me to abort it, but im a strong headed person and im not going too.

Im having this baby with there support or not, that may sound harsh but its my body, yeah me and him both made it so we should both choose what we wanna do, but i dont believe in abortions, so in this case, he doesnt have much say, hes okay with that though, hes just a bit shocked, as we wasnt planning to have a baby. 

So today has been an interesting day, everyone now knows im pregnant, not that i wanted anyone to know till i was over 12weeks, but you tell one person and the whole world finds out. 
you cant tell anyone anything nowa days, even stays quiet for long. Not much i can do about it now aye? To top it all my boyfriends mum is trying to make me have abortion, isnt it up too me?i dont beilieve in them, never have never will. thats just me. 
Not only did that happen, my ex's girlfriends friend, thought it would be nice to share that when i was still with him, him and this girl had been seeing each other, i have nothing wrong with my boyfriends having girls who are friends, but its a tad weird when they suddenly get together after a month off 'us' splitting up, so out off anger what i think is understandable i called them both names, but noo, her friend has to go tell me ex and turn it round like i was bitching about her, does anyone else wanna have ago at me, im 18 and i feel like im back at primary school, why is everyone two faced. 
But then they can say you can only count your true friends on one hand. 

pregnancy....

Okay so ive had an intresting week, to say the least, ive just fount out im pregant, with a baby. 

Im not sure what im spose to do, i havent told anyone yet, i guess i dont wanna upset my family. im only 18 at the end off the day. 

I dont think ive taken it all in yet, im so scared. its a life changing thing and i have the rest off my life a had off me and now ive got a baby on the way....

im so confused...

Old times..

Ever wish you were back at school? When everything was easy, and given too you..
Everyone says school is the best time off your life, and the time your like yeah right, then when your older, and have left school and in college, you see that yeah it is the best times off your life, the only thing that you every had to worry about was what to wear on tag day, or your make up. 


Soon as those days are gonna things slowly change, nothing comes easy anymore, people change, and you have to make new friends, and with everything changing you start to lose your old friends, i know i have, we tried to keep in contact but with college, boyfriends and everything, you never have time. 
Me and my best friend were like twins, we did everything together, are work, town, sleepovers, even holiday, But then we started college and shes became this different person, someone i had never seen before, someone i wouldnt normally be friends with, she started bitching about everyone, me, showing off, totally changed from the girl i knew. 
I just miss the older times, im only 18 but so much as changed since i was 16...

First love? Do we ever move on?
One mintue you think your over them, and happy because they have moved on, next minute they talk too you, and you fall back in to the trap, you fall for them all over again..
As much as I wish he didn't have this control, I still want him in my life, I know maybe if I deleted him, I'd be able to move on, but I can't bring myself too do it, I don't wanna. I don't think I'm ready. He was a big part off my life, my best friend we did everything together. Told each other everything. We knew each other inside out, and I'm not ready to let him go....
I think it's time I sat down and thought able what I want, but whatevr it is, I know we aren't ever gonna get back together...

Boys!...

Ugh. You cant live without them, yet you cant live with them. 
They wonder why girls have trust issues. Well if you didnt lie we wouldnt have trust issues. 
Then when you start to trust them, they throw it back in your face. 
Last time i wear my heart on my sleeve. 
Try and be nice, and no one else is nice back at yaa.
Sometimes life can be so confusing.
God help me. 

Why is it when you need someone the most there never their, but they except you too be there for them? I swear this blog is becoming more and more depressing each time i writing on it, i guess it's the only way I can let my feelings out?


I mean have you ever walked in to a room fall off people and felt totally alone? Because thats how I feel everyday, and I know I have family to talk to, but some times you just wanna be able to talk to someone else someone who isn't gonna say anything just sit there and listen. I use to have a person i could do that with, just lay there and talk about everything, i didn't have to hide anything i could be myself, tell them all my problems or worries and they would just tell me it will be fine, i just need that again.. 
i feel like im carrying everyone else's problems as well as my own. 
Its just sad to think that know one can see how i feel, my friend was killed, yet no one understands how i feel, the world still works around them, i dont no how much more i can take